Micacchu

Depression, is it my only path?  I want to run away but I don't think thats a choice right now. I never talk to anyone anymore, you must be wondering, why?  I should tell you.  This only happened last year, on christmas morning.  My parents sent Yuki and I to bed on christmas eve, we were sleeping until we heard a big *SCREAM*.  we didn't hear anything after that, I went out to see if they were alright and it was just Santa or something (We still believed in him at the time).  I went all over the house to find them, then i tried their room. I saw a dark room with no sound, no sheats

I couldn't see, hear, speak.  I wasn't ready for what was right around the courner, nothing seemed to work for me.  I couldn't smile no matter how I tried, the depression controlled me, I felt like I had to kill myself just so I could find my way back to my happiness.  But even that wouldn't work for me. This all happened about a year ago, nothing seems to have changed but it is different, as I am now hurt, and can't move without crying, hurt mentally of course.  After seeing the tradety of my brother I seem rather happy, but why would I be happy? Is depression controlling me? No that can't be it, but what is it? Nothing is making sense now

I am sitting on the side of the road, dying.  But i am still alive, only just.  I look at tourists passing by eating food that I haven't seen before.  They are happy, if I can't be happy because I look like this or because the world hates me and doesn't bother giving me money, then why am I alive being tortured like this.  Is my life over yet, I sometimes think that if I tie a rope to the tree then I might be able to die before the pain kills me.  Suddenly i see the sun going white, everything goes black.